Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
