He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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