Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Vodka?
Forever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
