Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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