The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
