i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?