it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.