then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.