i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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