you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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