Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN