Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"