She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.