There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.