dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?