is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.