yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
