my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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