This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.