Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
