I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
