Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
