Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
