So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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