Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
