So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
