:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
