I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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