Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
