OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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