he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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