check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am spending my child support on dildos
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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