I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
