discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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