Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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