is your mom at the bar?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
