Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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