Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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