just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
