So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
