i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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