y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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