oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
