That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
