I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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