I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
