I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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