First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
