I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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