you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
