I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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