Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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