I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
