I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
