According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
