Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
