Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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