he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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