just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
