Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
