i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
