you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize