The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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