I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
