no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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