i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
