he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
