My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
