I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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