sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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