Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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