I just pynch a tree in the face
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
